Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
