He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize