You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
