I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
