Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
