Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
