6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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