Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
