you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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