The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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