So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
