You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
