i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
