When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
