I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
