I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
