...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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