Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
