Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
