wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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