So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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