Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
