You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
