Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We need a shit load of segways right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
