I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
is it fun? or sober?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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