are you still at the devil's house?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
