Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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