Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
