I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
