We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
