If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
