You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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