Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
