When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
