Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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