i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
