So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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