College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
