girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no. you can't hotbox the world.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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