What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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