Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
