We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
