Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
