Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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