how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize