Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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