My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
