This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
