Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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