i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
