Banned from zoo.
Again?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
