Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize