Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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