Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You ruined the universe
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
