I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
