You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We are all done wearing pants today
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
