areolas are like halos for boobs.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
