It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
