Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
