I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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