you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
