My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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