: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
BRING THE BAGELS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
