I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
