I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
