Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize