It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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