I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
