If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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