Nicole vs. Life
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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