This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
