I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
