It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm both gender and math confused
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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