he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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