I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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