watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize