Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
