Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize