Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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