If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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