I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
this hospital has no fireball
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
