why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize