tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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