i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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