you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize