At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
