can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
