Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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