theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
