3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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