Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
