I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
