GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
40s are totally the cure
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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