we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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