There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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