Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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