____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
