Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dear god my vagina.
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