Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
