I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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